Now in my 14th year of ministry, studies show teens are lonelier than ever. A search of the digital library of Harvard University (Hollis) for “youth loneliness” gives 50,000 results. Not only do teens desire community, they’re also seeking a purpose. Erik Erikson’s stages of development tell us that identity and purpose are most strongly developed during adolescence. As ministers, how do we include God in this self-discovery?

One eighth grader, Michael (name has been changed), constantly made a mess in our bathroom. I asked myself, why would he do this? My guess was, he wanted attention. He wanted his peers to recognize him as the alpha (or sigma), and destruction was his instrument. Instead of confronting him, I told his group that Michael was now their leader. “If you feel he’s not being a good leader, let him know.”

Indirectly, I asked Michael to be Christ for his group, occasionally receiving reminders from his peers. One day, his mother approached my team after Mass and thanked us for helping him. He had improved in school and regularly volunteered as an usher on Sundays. He was getting the recognition he craved.

We now begin each year with an 8th-grade leadership retreat where we focus on identity and purpose, with the goal of giving the young people the tools and confidence to go into their communities and realize God’s mission for themselves — to be Christ for others.

Listening to our youth means seeing the world from their perspective, responding to the realities of their experiences, and teaching them where and how God makes his presence known. As role models, teens respond to who we are more than what we say. When our identity is rooted in Christ, the words we speak are those of the Spirit. When our cups are filled, teens recognize the overflow. Through us, God’s contagious love can spark the brightest flames. This is our calling, to give young people the tools to discern God’s will, to help them discover their identity through Christ, to see themselves as God sees them. Simply put, our call is to teach them how to love and to be loved.