This is kind of embarrassing to say, but it was about two weeks ago that I understood I was starting to make ministry about myself. I had been traveling a lot with speaking and ministry events, and I found myself in California for a conference, on the phone with a friend. I was talking through something I had been wrestling with, trying to figure out what God was calling me to do. Instead of just giving his thoughts, he asked: “How has your prayer life been?”

 

The way he asked it made it almost impossible for me to lie to myself. In that moment, I knew the answer wasn’t good. I was a bit embarrassed so I spent a few minutes trying to tell him how busy I had been. But we both knew I was making excuses, and eventually I just had to be honest. I hadn’t necessarily walked away from the mission of wanting to point people to Jesus, but I had started relying more on myself than on God.

 

 

When my big conversion into the faith happened about 7 years ago, I was profoundly aware of my need for prayer. It felt like I had just found the living water. It was in prayer that I started to understand who I am, what my purpose is, and where true freedom could be found. I was just a freshman in college, and didn’t have any real formal training in prayer at that point. I would just sit there for hours in the chapel, and it actually felt like Jesus was revealing the Father’s love to me. As a bit of time went on, I started to build some prayer routines which generally involved at least an hour in Adoration during the day and daily Mass. I do think I became a little too rigid at times, but for the most part it was how I stayed rooted in Jesus.

 

 

Over the past year or so, something started to shift. Not in an obvious way. I still cared deeply about ministry. I still wanted to point people to Jesus. But slowly, I began working more out of my own strength. I don’t think I would have said this out loud, but if I’m being honest, there were moments where I lived as if Jesus wasn’t going to come through. That mindset made it easier to justify working more and praying less.

 

I didn’t stop going to Mass, and I didn’t stop praying altogether. But there were definitely days where prayer became relatively minimal, and I filled that space with more work, more planning, more effort, all coming from a place of self-reliance. During that phone call, my friend reminded me of something I’ve said many times, even in the talks I give, “without God we can do nothing.” It’s simple, but I wasn’t living it.

 

 

I’m probably not the only person in ministry who feels like there’s endless work to be done and that results aren’t happening quickly enough. I can imagine a lot of us also experiencing the temptation to work more and pray less, probably thinking about the significance of the work we are doing. It’s profoundly true that the work we are doing is important, but we can’t forget that it’s God’s grace that transforms hearts.

 

Even as I’ve struggled with self-reliance over the past year, I kept thinking about a well-known story of Mother Teresa. When two sisters came to her overwhelmed by the needs around them, feeling like they didn’t have time for a full hour of prayer, she responded, “If you don’t have time for one holy hour, then I’ll have you do two.”

 

 

God may call each of us to different rhythms of prayer, but I do think it’s worth asking honestly where we may have started relying on ourselves. Maybe it’s not obvious. Maybe it’s subtle, but even small areas of self-reliance can slowly shift ministry away from what it’s meant to be. If that resonates at all, it might be worth bringing it into prayer or even talking it through with a trusted friend or spiritual director.

 

For me, that phone call was a wake up moment. Not because I had completely lost my way, but because I had started drifting. And I was reminded of something I never want to forget: ministry was never meant to depend on me. It was always meant to lead me back to Him.

 

 

It’s easy to justify working more because the need is real. But if ministry is God’s work, then staying rooted in Him isn’t optional, it’s essential.

 

Self-reliance doesn’t always look obvious. It can show up in small ways, like choosing productivity over prayer or trusting your effort more than God’s grace.

 

That phone call with my friend was a turning point for me. Sometimes we need someone who can see what we don’t and call us back to what matters.